In January I talked about success and failure. In one line I said:
“I consider myself right now, well and truly on my arse. I have punched myself in the face most of 2014, and now here I am in 2015; firmly back on my feet again.”
As it happens, I was nowhere near my arse and I certainly wasn’t on my feet!
Around this time, I was deciding if running my business was still viable, turns out it wasn’t. So in late February after many sleepless nights, I made my decision public. I then spent from February to last week actually winding down the business. In this time there were lots of up and downs, far more downs and very few ups actually. During this time I defaulted back to my old coping mechanisms, eating, drinking and being lazy. I had no idea how emotionally difficult letting go of the business would be.
This of course worsened the spiral, the idea was to “eat, drink and be merry!”, that brief respite however only served to make me feel worse in the long run.
The more I think about how far back I have slid, the more it motivates me again. To be so close to my goal and to let it all slip away is devastating. Instead of letting that negativity get on top of me, I have to use it to motivate me, drive me forward to a situation where I can stop bitching and start making the changes I need.
I now find myself in a somewhat stable situation, I’m working again and starting to take stock. Last night I planned my new workout routine and this morning, at 0555hs I got up out of bed and smashed a few miles on the bike. It felt good to be up again at that time of day, my legs will feel it later but I know it does me good!
So, here we go again! I can’t say that more bad sit won’t happen to me, what I can say though, is that I hope to deal with it in a far more constructive way.